Three’s Company

A couple of years ago, I was starting to get on my feet and wanting to get out socially again. There was a gala being held by someone at the church I had started going to, so I stopped by the information table to inquire. When my friend who was selling tickets asked if I wanted to go, I jokingly said, “Sure, if you find me a date.” She laughed and made a suggestion of someone she knew, but I didn’t expect her to follow through with it so I bought my single ticket. I wasn’t looking for a person to fall in love with; just someone to walk in the door with. Nonetheless, by the time the night of the gala arrived, I got dressed up and went alone.

I am the kind of person who can do things alone. I have no problem going to the movies or even out to dinner alone. In college, I wouldn’t miss a party just because I might have to travel there by myself. But for some reason, when I pulled up to the country club that night and got out of my car in my fancy dress and curled hair, I suddenly wondered what on earth I was doing.

I walked in and took a cursory peek into the dining room to see if anyone I knew was there yet. I didn’t see anyone, so I did what all women do when we are uncomfortable and went to the ladies’ room. At least I could kill a few moments in there pretending to fix my make-up or hair while I waited for others to arrive. After I had done everything I could think of in the ladies’ room, including contemplating leaving, I took a deep breath and made my way to the dining room.

Thankfully, more people had arrived and we exchanged greetings. There were tables set up with items for a silent auction, so I spent more time than anyone should looking at the items and talking to whomever approached the table I was looking at. As I had anticipated, almost everyone was there with a spouse, but what I didn’t anticipate was that the people I knew who had encouraged me to attend were all sitting together at special tables, so I couldn’t sit with them. Awkward.

Finally, I spotted my friend who had sold me the ticket, and I asked if I could sit with her and her husband. “Unfortunately, we are at a reserved table and I think it’s full.” She was kind and I knew she genuinely would have liked having me at her table, but it was just the way it was.

“Ok,” I replied. I was quickly deflating and wondering for the hundredth time why I was there.

After chatting for a minute, we parted ways and I went back to—you guessed it—the silent auction tables, this time feeling very aware that I wasn’t able to afford anything there to bid on it. Suddenly, my friend came up to me and said that they in fact had only reserved half of a table, and that there was a seat on the other half. I quickly thanked her, found the table, and sat down. There were a couple of other people already sitting, and I just kept telling myself that all I had to do was eat and then I could leave. I was counting the minutes!

I had just gotten settled when a man came and sat across the table from me. As soon as he hit the seat, he said something so off the wall that he had us all laughing. It went on like that for several minutes until his wife came and sat next to him, looked at me, and said, “Hey, we met in the parking lot at church!” Suddenly, I remembered meeting her because I thought she was someone else, but we hit it off right away and just never saw each other again until the gala. Well, her husband kept us in stiches for the rest of dinner and I found myself relaxing.

Several months later, after I had gotten to know that couple a little more, the man told me that when he saw me that night, he thought I was the most confident woman he had ever seen, coming to an event like that alone and composed. While that was a compliment, I think that night was a little over my limit, and I realized something. No matter how confident and composed a woman is, going out alone is hard when you are single and everyone else has a buddy. Even though it turned out ok, I will likely never do that again.

How Can You Help?

Do you know a single woman who seems confident and put together, like nothing can shake her? Do you know one who isn’t so confident? Both would probably prefer to be included in your group when there is an event; the latter might not even attend alone. It is possible that more singles-men and women alike-will attend events if someone invites them not only to attend, but to ride with them or sit with them. It is especially helpful to those of us who used to have a spouse and are trying to navigate being single in a world where almost everyone has someone.

Churches are set up for families, and events can be difficult for singles. We would love to come, so please help us out by letting us come with you!