Dear Overcomer,

We understand that many women leave their churches - or even the Christian faith altogether - during a high-conflict divorce because they feel betrayed, forgotten, or even blamed for their abuser’s behavior. Unfortunately, some of their friends will turn on them as well. The truth is, our church leaders often do not know how to respond to a divorce, and neither do most of our Christian friends. Abuse usually happened behind closed doors, so they don’t know who to support. They may try to remain neutral without realizing that neutrality is taking the side of the abuser.

We recognize that sometimes women are blamed for leaving an abuser or shamed in the church for not being able to “keep her husband.” Though this may have been your experience, it is not a reflection of God but of humans. Another person’s behavior is not your responsibility, and a leader who knows the heart of the Lord will never hold you responsible for that. Many churches are beginning to understand abuse and provide a supportive environment for abandoned women, and I encourage you to press into finding such a community. By leaving the faith community altogether, we lose any chance of being helped by our churches, and the belief that the Church won’t help us becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If they can’t find us, how can they help us?

If you have experienced this, my heart goes out to you. I’d like to share with you this sermon by Pastor Jack Stepp. He explains the Biblical outline for forgiveness and reconciliation, and it’s not what you may be accustomed to hearing. I encourage you to listen. The first part is about forgiveness, but wait for the gold at the end, and know that there are Christian leaders who have compassion for the abandoned.

My hope is that you will remain in true Christian community and that the resources provided on this site will show you that healthy attitudes within the Church not only exist but are waiting for you to experience them.